


In Death

by Nephiliam



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 10:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nephiliam/pseuds/Nephiliam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Axel's death killed Roxas on the inside. And now, 365 days later, he visits the grave. And he doesn't plan on leaving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Death

I stood alone under the clouds threatening rain, well, except for Sora, not that he counted as a person. I sighed and rolled my neck around for a moment, hearing a small crack I was satisfied. Sora, the hallucination of my twin brother who had died in my mother's womb, turned to stare at the gates.

"Three hundred," Sora said. "And sixty five days."

"I know."

"It's the anniversary of his death."

"I'm aware of the date, Sora," I breathed, ignoring my other self all together.

"And here we stand. The graveyard."

He sauntered forward with his hands in his pockets. Without turning around he called, "Coming, Roxas?"

I shivered. "I'm afraid to come in." He turned to look at me, though he continued right through the bars of the closed gates.

"It's the anniversary of his death," he repeated.

"I'm aware of the date, Sora."

I stepped forward and threw my bag over the gate before climbing a few steps and jumping over. Sora turned away from me though I knew he was smiling. My hand went to the pocket knife in my back pocket. It used to be his; I felt like I couldn't do anything without it.

"Happy?" I glared.

"I don't know, are you?"

"Of course you know." But it came out as only a whisper should. I scanned the graveyard for a moment, taking in the feeling.

I knew exactly where to go – I could remember watching from the gate as they lowered the casket into the ground and buried him.

Sora disappeared and reappeared in behind me, his hands pushing me forward. I stumbled towards the very east corner of the graveyard. There stood a gravestone.

Axel Lea, January 1989 – April 2010.

I shivered again and sat down, crossed legged and dry eyed. I wasremembering random moments from when we were so young and in love.

"What are we doing up here Axel?" I asked, bleary eyed from being suddenly awoken from my dream. Axel had called me around midnight to say he was coming to pick me up. I had asked why at first, only because it was a school night for himself – and Axel had work in the morning – but it wasn't like school actually mattered.

He had kept saying it was a surprise. I had laughed at the time and when he had come to pick me up I thought nothing of the blankets in the backseat. Eventually I had fallen asleep in the passenger's seat and was rudely awoken six hours later to find we were parked and Axel was shaking me.

"Come on, it's a surprise." He disappeared to the back of the car to grab two blankets, one to sit on and one to cover ourselves with. I had finally gotten myself out of the car as he set the blanket down on the cliffs edge.

I had smiled at the romance of the situation and we sat, cuddled together, watching the sunrise. I remember how warm his body was at the time, as the newly woken sun rose from its perch behind the Earth.

After the sun was well into the sky Axel kissed me, passionately like it was the last kiss we would ever share.

"I love you," he whispered. I hugged him tighter around the neck and his arms wrapped themselves more firmly around my waist.

"I love you too."

Slowly we pulled away from the cliff's edge and, still covered by the blanket, took off each other's clothing, piece by piece, until it was only the other's body that kept us warm from the April weather.

That and a ratty old blanket.

"That's one of my best memories," I whispered, my fingers dancing across the carved letters of his name. I felt Sora's hand whisper across my back, though it was hardly more than that. A whisper.

"Are you finally going away Sora?"

"For your own thoughts. I'm going to go look at the other graves."

I wiped a tear away from my cheek; a single drop that had fallen. I smiled a little and hung my head, shaking it calmly. His death tore apart my life, leaving nothing but an empty shell, memories, and Sora.

But the most vivid memory I had was of that day. April 20, 2010.

I pushed my way through the doors to the roof. "Axel!" I screamed.

He didn't turn from his perch on the edge of the building. His entire figure was completely still, as if he didn't breathe at all. "Axel, please!"

"Sorry about this," he whispered. "But those voices."

"Axel you don't have to do this," I begged, coming closer to him, until I stood only yards away. "You don't have to listen to those voices."

"But that's exactly what I'm doing right now!" he exclaimed, still looking down. "I'm not listening to them."

"W-What?"

"You know what they tell me?" he looked up at the sky as he teetered on the edge. I bit my tongue to hold down a scream. "They tell me to do awful things to you, Roxas. But I'm not going to listen to them anymore."

I clutched my arm that had scars running down the sides of them. Tears were easily slipping down my eyes now, but I refused to let my voice quiver. "Don't do this," I whispered, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet. "Please don't do this."

"I'm not going to hurt you anymore."

"You aren't hurting me now!"

"Look at your scars!" he yelled, his fists finally balling. "Look at what I've done to your precious skin."

"That was when you were sick; when you stopped taking your pills." My voice was getting heavy. "It won't happen again."

His face turned slightly, so I could see the small smirk on his face. "Won't happen again? It could always happen again."

And finally he turned to look at me. I bit down on my tongue hard enough to bite through a bit of it. Blood from new scars smeared his perfect face, some right under his eyes to make it look like he was crying tears of blood. They covered the tattoos he had gotten when he had turned sixteen.

As he turned to fully face me he said, "I love you enough to do this." And he fell backwards.

I screamed and ran forward, my hands reaching to grab him.

But he slipped right through my fingers and fell to the cement below.

I thought I heard people scream from below, but as I stared down at the red cement that matched his bright hair, the only scream I could hear was my own.

"It's my most awful memory," I whispered, holding my head in my hands. "I can't get that day out of my head. I think about it every second I'm alive." I looked back up at the stone. "But I don't want to forget it. I don't want to forget you." I leaned forward, getting to my knees, and rested my head against the gravestone. "You were the most important person to me in the world. It was like you were a part of me; the pain you felt was the pain I felt, and the other way around. Now…" he bit his cheek to keep from crying, "…half of me is dead inside."

"Don't do it," Sora said from behind me. I didn't turn to look at him, his calm expression and easy composure. I hated him. I hated him so much.

"Why couldn't it have been you that haunted me, Axel? Why couldn't I have seen you every day instead?" I pounded my fist on the stone. "Why did it have to turn out this way?"

"Because," Sora murmured. "If it had been him you couldn't be normal again. You'd never move on."

I acted as if I couldn't hear him. "You know, I've been thinking. If whoever made us decides the people who commit suicide don't belong in Heaven…why should I wait to die a peaceful death?"

Sora's hand touched my back.

"I won't get to be with you then."

Sora's back pressed against mine as he wrapped me in a hug.

"If I just kill myself…I know I can be with you. No problem."

"Don't do it," Sora whispered in my ear. Shivers went down my spine but I shrugged them, and Sora, off. I turned to look at him and withheld a gasp.

Sora, who had before had brown hair, big blue eyes, and perfect ivory skin, was now like a rotted corpse. His skin was black and cracked, his eyes were sunken and gray, and there wasn't any hair to be seen.

He reached towards me but I retched away from him, my back pressing against Axel's headstone. Sora kept reaching forward though, and his bony fingers pressed against my cheek.

They were cold.

"Is this what you want?" Sora's voice was horse, sounding as if someone was cutting off his air supply. "An eternity of misery and death?" I wanted to scream, but my voice caught in my throat, the smell oozing out of him was making me nauseous. "One of us died so the other could live. Do you want to give that up?"

"I," I finally choked, "would do anything for Axel. Anything."

Sora laughed a cold and mean laugh.

"Besides," I pushed down my fear and slapped Sora's hand away, hearing the snap of brittle bones as I did it. Sora didn't even flinch. "It isn't like you're real. You're a coping mechanism." I squeezed my eyes shut. "You aren't real."

"As real as Axel was."

Without another thought I pulled the knife out of my back pocket. In front of me, Sora laughed again, this time in hysterics.

And I plunged the knife into my chest.

And I was so cold then, like a layer of ice had just frothed over me. I leaned backwards against Axel's gravestone, my head rolling to the side.

"I just…" I whispered, taking my last breaths, "…want to see you again."


End file.
